I had a slip-up recently (the "cupcake incident") so that is probably why I said to myself this morning as I jogged by an overweight woman having difficulty walking "Do you want to be her?" I don't like those kinds of statements/questions, because what does it say about the other person? that it would be bad to be them? So that probably explains my reply to myself, which was "yes!" I'm wondering if this is the result of meditation. We practice loving kindness and it has made me more cognizant of automatic judgments of others, both positive and negative. It also might be the result of getting older and possibly wiser, and of not being blessed with a belief in God. I am more and more aware of my need for communion with my fellow beings--human, animal and nature. I want to be with them and I want to be them, or be "one with them."
Later today, going out to lunch with a friend, we passed people eating ice cream from a local extremely good ice cream shop, a place I frequented in years past. I thought, I would like to join them in eating some ice cream. Ha, maybe that was the addiction talking, but it was also the automatic desire for communion with others. This is not something I want to change. I don't want to change my desire to be with others, to feel like I am one with them. It's easy enough to realize I really don't want the ice cream (it really is too stimulating, and not that tempting for a million reasons that are not at all difficult to conjure). I just have to recognize that automatic first reaction for what it is: it comes from an inner goodness, not from something bad.
