This has to be it.
We have been growing apart for some time now. I tell myself I'm done with you, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, but then I go running back to you in a moment of weakness. You cling to me, telling me I'm better with you. That with you, I can be stronger, thinner, better than everyone else.
It has been going on for too long; this on-again-off-again relationship. I need to let it go so I can make room in my life for the things that truly matter. I don't even tell most people that I'm with you because I'm worried about what they will think; that they won't understand.
The friends that I do tell, they keep encouraging me to give you up forever. They tell me I will be stronger and happier without you, and I know now that that's true.
And yes, there is someone else; someone who actually enjoys life. She's fun, she smiles and she has friends. I'm sick of staying in with you when you refuse every social invitation.
After a while, people just stop asking. How will you feel when no one invites you anywhere? You won't even have a choice; you will have to sit at home alone because no one wants to be around your mopey, anxious self.
Nobody wants to feel judged and scrutinized when you turn down there offers of food because it's "not good enough"for you. Nobody wants to listen while you talk about what you eat... or don't eat. And nobody wants to hear you bitch about how tight your size 0 jeans have gotten in the past month. You could take out the jeans you used to wear, but if they actually fit you would feel like you had lost a battle somehow.
No, she doesn't talk about such things when she is out with friends. She is interesting and smart and she cares about more important things. She cares about the environment, she cares about her friends and she cares about school. She wouldn't bomb a test because she decided to work out instead of study. She wouldn't decide not to volunteer for an event because it goes all day and she knows that pizza will be served for lunch.
The other night, I went out for dinner, I had drinks and I laughed with my friends. I went shopping too, I tried on tons of clothes and I even bought a bunch things. I didn't tell you. I knew you wouldn't approve, but I don't care so that's why I'm telling you now. That's right, you may have had your claws in me for years, but I'm tired of being dependent on you.
Nobody deserves the kind of pain you inflicted on me. You tore me down and made me feel worthless unless I was just like you. It's time for this abusive relationship to come to an end.
