Well, it is officially 2 days before Christmas! Who's ready? I have been done my Christmas shopping for a while now, so all I have to do is figure out the Christmas breakfast I will be making for my family. I will pretty much be flying by the seat of my pants and making something with eggs, cheese and every vegetable I can find in the fridge. I'll be sure to post a recipe if it's good!
Anyway, the title of this post is related to something I did yesterday; something that no person who has suffered from an eating disorder should ever do. I googled "weight loss tips".
Now, don't worry, I wasn't feeling awful about myself and looking for some way to make up for the [heart-breakingly-good] salted caramel macaron I had on Friday, or the cake and marzipan I had on Thursday. I actually wanted to objectively look at some of the weight loss tips being sold as "facts" these days, by the "experts" trying to market magazines and diet products.
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| Amen! Last time I checked, skinny didn't feel so great. |
Sure, some people need to lose weight for health reasons and there are tips that can help them to do so more effectively. What I don't like is weight loss tips that promote disordered eating behaviour or use body-shaming to make you eat less.
This time of year, there is so much pressure coming from every which way to resist all the treats that make the holidays great and to lose weight even if it means being anti-social, deprived and sad. So here are some of my favourites, and I am NOT making these up. My commentary is in red.
1. "Get grossed out."
This one refers to making your food unappetizing or making yourself feel repulsed when you think you have had enough to eat so that you won't eat more; so healthy. It even has subcategories:
- Put the handles of your utensils into your food so you won't pick them up again. Or, "How not to get invited back to dinner parties."
- Think of something disgusting like a bad smell, a public bathroom or a plate of bugs. Why would you want to enjoy your food when you can just think of bugs and poop every time you eat?
- Buy a fake 5-pound glob of fat, and put it on the top shelf of the refrigerator or cupboard. You'll take one look at it, glance at your thighs and think: "I definitely don't want that cheesecake now." Really? REALLY?? If you want a terrible relationship with food and your body, this is the way to do it. What better way to lose weight than to lower your self-esteem and shame yourself into not eating? Where do you even buy a fake 5-pound glob of fat???
- Put a picture of yourself at your heaviest to remind yourself of why you're watching calories. Remember, when you were at that weight, you were ugly and worthless. Reach for a salad, Fatty.
2. "While you eat, sit in front of a mirror."
Because if all of the other weight loss tips don't make you completely obsessive about how and what you eat, it is a wise choice to stare yourself down as you take every bite.
3. "Don't eat dinner."
How is this even a remotely good idea? This one is based on the idea that you should set a cut-off time by which you stop eating, because apparently, all the food you eat after said time cannot be burned off, but will instead go straight to your love handles.
First of all, there have been lots of studies indicating that it doesn't matter what time it is, food is still utilized the same way. Also, if you are starving at night, but can't eat, all your body is going to do is go into starvation mode and slow down your metabolism. A little counter-productive, no?
The "don't eat dinner" tip suggested eating a big lunch and then skipping dinner all-together. I think I'll pass on that one.
First of all, there have been lots of studies indicating that it doesn't matter what time it is, food is still utilized the same way. Also, if you are starving at night, but can't eat, all your body is going to do is go into starvation mode and slow down your metabolism. A little counter-productive, no?
The "don't eat dinner" tip suggested eating a big lunch and then skipping dinner all-together. I think I'll pass on that one.
4. "Eat naked."
Yes, this is a real tip. They seem to think that if you are naked, your own self-loathing and insecurity will cause you to eat less. This one is extra effective if you combine it with #2. Double the obsessive body-shaming, double the fun!
5. "Paint your walls blue."
Apparently, the colour blue is unappetizing and will make you less likely to want to eat. Blue doesn't match your decor? You're destined to be fat, sorry.
Apparently, the colour blue is unappetizing and will make you less likely to want to eat. Blue doesn't match your decor? You're destined to be fat, sorry.
6. "You might do better to replace the occasional dinner with a nice roll in the hay."
Seriously? It's not that "hay-rolling" isn't a worthwhile activity, but replacing dinner with sex doesn't seem entirely logical to me. Unless the latter involves a whole can a whipped cream, it's not a good trade-off... Too far? ;)
Seriously? It's not that "hay-rolling" isn't a worthwhile activity, but replacing dinner with sex doesn't seem entirely logical to me. Unless the latter involves a whole can a whipped cream, it's not a good trade-off... Too far? ;)
7. "Sleep in your parents' bed."
Okay, this one is just bizarre. Apparently, kids who sleep in their parents' bed some nights are less likely to be obese. What age-group are they selling these tips to?? Either they are informing you that your fate has already been decided by your childhood habits, or they're telling you to move back in with mom and dad and...get cozy...
8. "Sleep in a cold room."
The colder, the better. Bonus points if you are so cold that you can't sleep. Tossing, turning and shivering all night burns mega calories!
The colder, the better. Bonus points if you are so cold that you can't sleep. Tossing, turning and shivering all night burns mega calories!
9. "When out at a restaurant, ask the server to hold any bread or extras that may come before the meal. If you're hungry, you'll be tempted."
Now this is a fairly common one that you hear in a lot of articles, and eating a ton of bread before a large meal probably isn't great if you actually do need to lose weight. What I don't like is the last sentence: "If you're hungry, you'll be tempted." Last time I checked, being hungry was a sign that you should eat. If a restaurant is busy and I'm starving, I am not going to make myself suffer until my meal arrives, however long that may be. Besides, I would probably just dive in head-first the minute it hit the table.
10. "Squeeze into skinny jeans."
This was one of the most disordered tips I saw. It suggested that if you wore clothes that were too tight and made you feel uncomfortable and fat, you would eat less. Yeah, make yourself feel as hideous as possible, so you can lose weight and feel great!
A couple of their suggestions included: buckling your belt a notch tighter before a big meal (bonus points if you cut off your circulation!), and letting your tummy bulge over your pants when you're eating so that the sight of it will make you eat less (this is good for knocking you down when your self-esteem starts to rise. I mean, we can't have you feeling too good about yourself or companies won't be able to shame you into buying their diet pills!)
So, I think I will just ignore every one of these suggestions. I'm not too eager to spend my holiday painting the walls blue or eating naked in the mirror (just think about how awkward Christmas dinner would be...).
I hope you all have a marvelous December 23rd!
What ridiculous diet tips have you read lately?
Are you all ready for Christmas?
